Humper S Toddler

Sorry guys we’re all kinda busy and bored with the site at the moment. To all the people sending feedback and recommendations we’ll get around to reading them soon. In the mean time have a good laugh and read this, been cracking us up ever since we saw it.


“Every year towards late August a handful of rare souls converge together to wreak havoc on the streets of Brooklyn, like some horrid natural phenomenon emerging from the sea to consume an entire city. “

By which he means some hipsters from Philly went to NYC to do some shopping and attend a motorcycle show.

“Eventually we set out for food down Bedford Ave., looking as if some brutes were set loose from their cage.” 

Yeah check these dudes out, they don’t look anything like every single person in Broolyn, they’re brutes, savages, freaks so different from every other 20 something in BK. IMG_7704_lr


“Somewhere around 1:30, I scouted out Manhattan in search of some threads and found no traffic to be had from Brooklyn to the tunnel (our exit strategy for later that day). I made my way back to the show and met the rest of our group.”

Uggh don’t you just hate it when you come back from a shopping trip empty handed.


50 thoughts on “Humper S Toddler

  1. More top level assholery. Fantastic. Comedy gold. I’ve a good mind to sell my rsv4 factory and hypermotard….. Fucked old 70’s shutters is where it’s at. Plus I don’t have to wash either!

  2. @Harvard J Nasty, Esq.
    I’d like to invite you to come out for a ride with us sometime. We meet up every Thursday night. Both old and new bikes show up. Crappy harleys, jalopy honda cb’s, and even new ducati’s / aprilla’s come out. You’ll fit right in. More than happy to have you show up sometime and have some fun.

    • Yeah – cos that’s why I bought an RSV4 so I could do 40mph on it….Ill lower the footpegs as well so they’ll wear away going round a corner at 25mph…

      • Not to take away from the douchebaggery of these brooklyn “badasses”, but your aprilia is a HIGHLY overpriced piece of shit, don’t kid yourself buddy.

        • Really. I’ve owned it for just over 2 years….. Cost me 7.2k then….. I’d say I got a pretty good deal. I’d say that too if I couldn’t afford one as well!

  3. Just read the full horror on their web page. Somebody commented that it was like Hunter S Thompson. Lord protect us from the Hip!

    Hey what happened to the Love/Hate thumbs? I was enjoying all the hate, it made me feel tough, like the guys in Brooklyn. and I quote.. “It is a much better show when you emerge from the inside looking out, smelling of road grease, stale booze and a wretched back ache from the floor/roof you made a bed that night—It’s the only way to prepare for this motorcycle show and looks more authentic than some wide-eyed gawker.”

  4. Nobody knows as much about bikes as me and only the kinds of bikes I like to ride are authentic. Everyone else is a hipster tool.

  5. i really enjoyed the picture of the “outlaw” hand with spirit animal rings scrolling the iPad. Also like the shot of the dude kicking his bike over while on side stand in traffic.

  6. wait, this was a bike show? but there was maybe one interesting bike in the whole photo segment, the old genny shovel. weird.

  7. As devyn said, we’ve arrived! There has even been mention of this site on the COTT blog:

    As an occasional contributor to the COTT website, I find the feature a little flattering. You can pick and choose from the most hyperbolic language available on the internet, but there is enough visibility of Chin on the Tank that this has weight!

    Take a look around the website, there is tons to love, some to hate, some to laugh at and some to take a look at and say, ‘I’ve been there once.’ While you’re there, dont miss the feature on my bike last year:

    Thats a 70 lb weight reduction (under 400lbs wet) while being completely street legal and has more relevant suspension geometry and is still an everyday rider that I commute on (not in the city)

  8. JEEZ that writing stinks. Sounds like a monkey fucking a thesaurus. Reminds me of the “M*A*S*H” episode where Radar signs up for a creative writing correspondence course…

    “Alas, alack, the peaceful quietness was detonated by a herd of chopper transportizing punctured personnel.”

  9. What bike show was this, Brooklyn Invitational? I need more excuse to break out my girl jeans, sport my wicked side-pipe.

  10. I’m from Philadelphia and heavily involved in the motorcycle scene here, both vintage and otherwise. I have no idea who these dipshits are; I am embarrassed and ashamed for my city.

    • Are you aware that your instagram features a bike that is frequently ridden on the chin on the tank Thursday rides? Hopefully you spoke the fella and asked him if it was ok to post it, especially since it was at TWT.

        • @Harvard
          Mike was commenting at Lance. Not you.

          TWT (two wheel tuesday) is a motorcycle thing that happens in Philly every tuesday night at a local bar. Basically, Mike, who actually knows what he’s talking about regarding TWT and chin-tank, was implying Lance is retarded and should stick to being an internet troll.

          • …did you mispell Twat?…and
            chin-tank sounds like either an
            obscure chinese dish…or is it a
            an extreme deviant sex thing?

  11. These guys.. I dunno. They look way too ‘clean’, so to speak. This is the first image that pops into my mind when I see their glamour shots:

    This might sound shallow, but hey, it’s all about looks to them anyway. Lookin’ like a brute, looking like you’re living life on the jagged edge despite never leaving your cosy little bubble. Screw that nonsense. It’s so superficial. If you took the clothes and shades and boots off these dudes and put ’em in casual wear, well, they’d just look like anybody else.

    What’s really irksome is how much effort they put into bigging up every mundane little detail of their day trip. Why?

    Frankly, I think it’s because that’s all they’ve got. The superficiality once again. Compare this to some of those long distance bike tourers who cross multiple countries and post huge ride reports bursting full of amazing pics and amazing experiences. You won’t see the latter bragging about the sick leather vest they paid too much for or the distressing on their boots, their experiences speak for themselves and are far greater than the acquisition and parading of some mundane objects.

    C’mon guys, ditch the fashion show and contrived shit and hit the road on a proper adventure, and you’ll find that you don’t even have to say a word to get admiring folks queuing up for a look.

  12. Mr nasty you all outta hate, venom dried up, turned to god or something? , it’s been a while and I miss the fun, Fair enough if you’ve moved on, I can see it getting a bit boring (and easy) I hope you are out riding, and thanks for the laughs

    • Yeah bru I’ve been in Africa riding dirt bikes. Coming back soon, actually writing this from airport in Paris.

  13. I really want to believe someone on a supermoto/supersport/not shit bike wheelied past them while they impeded traffic on the highway. What a fucking joke. Also I love it when people mistake laughing at stupidity for jealousy. Who doesn’t understand that it’s fun to make fun of people that are just asking to be made fun of?

  14. @Harvard

    Stop “not approving” my comments. You want a website where everyone talks shit to each other right? So… let’s have at it. Quit being a girl.

    @Death Machine and Lance
    Absolutely loving this shit. ha.

    In all seriousness, maybe browse through the chin on the tank website before you go saying shit that isn’t accurate.

    Yep… no ride reports, cross-country trips, or riding in other countries has ever been done. Going to NYC for a day and writing a funny story about it is the only cool thing anyone I’m friends with has ever done on a motorcycle.

    There is absolutely no useful info on the chin-tank website.


    By the way, loving both of your websites. Really cool. Bookmarked both of them:

  15. Just stumbled across this place and I really don’t get you guys. Is it easy to make fun of hipsters? Sure it is, but it’s just as easy to make fun of the Sturgis/HD crowd, the Charley and Ewan wannabes, and the plastic sportbike racer guys with their Power Ranger outfits. Seriously, it’s not healthy. Get a life.

  16. It’s terrible that you are posting this about these guys. Most of the dudes in that picture have road their entire lives. The one guy is a well respected motorcycle mechanic and builder, who could probably school all of you on any bike. He eats, sleeps, and breathes motorcycles. I understand that there is this current trend around motorcycles and hipsters, but please don’t hate on the real motorcyclists that will still be around after all of this crap is over. You shouldn’t judge people off of a picture when you have no idea what walk of life they come from. My Mother was a biker and I spent most of my youth in the biker world, and they would NEVER talk shit on people they do not know. Learn some fucking respect.

  17. re JBrown…………..
    The “Real Motorcyclist” wouldn’t be caught dead or alive in a video
    of this nature.I don’t give a rat’s ass what “walk of life” they have de-
    planed from-they are not being judged,and they are not convicted in
    the literal sense.If one can’t take some ball busting then they should
    get the fuck out of the way.As for”schooling”that is a very large term
    indeed…..covers a lot of territory,Pilgrim.I eat sleep and shit as well as
    breathe motorcycles also,and for a full 52+years now… many more
    out there on this mortal coil.The hipsters of these self aggrandizing
    films are merely”passing through”from one trend to another.It is rather
    pathetic that they are documenting a search for assuming the identity
    forged in an earlier generation,rather than to just get on with being a
    bit more true to themselves..THEN,we could see some individuality at
    last.There is no hate being dispensed towards these characters,only
    a dash of humorous finger wagging,and it apparently offends those
    who can’t focus on the Big Picture.Go buy a giant screen TV.It may be
    of some assistance.And lastly….as for “talking shit”,well,that happens
    all the time,in all arenas of life.And it doesn’t add up to jack shit in the
    Big Picture.It has not that much to do with Respect,for Respect is on
    a totally different plane,which one arrives at after “very hard lessons”.
    Questions? 1-800-YUR-FKED
    (This message is a minor publik service opinion,and all opinion(s)within
    are x-clusively those of the re-offending party-any comments may be said
    via the above supplied publik service number)

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