El Shitatrio

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse.

This spawn of Satan is a result of BMW throwing its marketing money at people with beards and tight pants.  BMW, are you really this desperate to take a market share from the Bonneville?  I mean I’ll give you credit, the R Nine T isn’t quite as retro as the Bonnie, but then again I get it, German “retro” carries some extra baggage with it.

BMW gave these retards a brand new bike to customize, and what resulted is similar to the last time Germans supported awful people in Spain.  This bike started out as a brand new motorcycle.  Now it looks like a shopping cart fucked a catfish.




This one is so heinous that even the comments of BikeExif are turning on it.  The [only?] defense seems to be “well they got you talking about it, that means they’re doing something right.”  This sentiment infuriates me to no end.  You know what else got people talking?  9/11 you cunts.

Not satisfied with their 110hp Piggly Wiggly cart, the artists added what you’d obviously add to this bike when making a vimeo of it.  A lazy and disinterested man beheading a chicken and proudly displaying its dying head to the camera.  Thus intimately dramatizing their “quest to create an impact on the observer and this does not necessary mean to please their eyes with easy indulgent proposals.”  I’d like you all to ponder any possible connections to fascism again at this point, please.

54 thoughts on “El Shitatrio

  1. not believing it…this shit is a joke. No way it is real. If so this is worse than some of the “choppers” I have seen of late

  2. Why the chicken…really? Does BMW enjoy getting trashed for shit marketing AND inflaming PETA? “Let’s make a video, nay a film, where we get some douchewagon to ruin our product AND kill an animal for shock value.” “Yes! That will trend wonderfully.” I can see them twirling their artfully manicured mustaches now. Fuck. This.

  3. Every fad dies – when the necropsy is done on the junkustom bike craze, this will be the fatal tumor – just have to wait for the noises and twitching (AKA blogger hype/marketing) to stop first.

    oh yes – I’ll bet this model disappears from the line very quickly…

    • As Tyler Durden said in Fight Club “I wanted to destroy something beautiful” BTW the pre sales for the R nine T are very good , waiting lists as long as your arm worldwide. keep up the good work Mr nasty

  4. the warning at the beginning. you guys added that? or… they did?? it’s original to the video? they warn the public of seeing upcoming shit and not everybody may handle that? they are RIGHT, i almost didn’t handle that! my wife is still throwing water at me while I’m shaking under the table from the shock and scratching the word ‘why’ into the wood floor with my nails. oh i didnt mention, i’m crying blood

    • Didn’t you learn anything from the video? Clearly you should be scratching those words with a tattoo gun instead.

  5. I would love to hear the honest opinion of the engineers at BMW about El Solitario’s “artistic” “approach” with this.

  6. Without even looking at the finished product, three things showed me all that I needed to know about these moto-molesters from Spain.

    At 2:28: Using rusty, poor-fitting screwdriver.
    At 2:35: Welding metal a couple inches from an inflated tire. Brilliant.
    At 2:40: These “craftsmen” don’t even know how to sharpen an axe.

    These guys are butchers… No, excuse me, that’s an insult to the meat-cutting profession — real butchers at least know how to care for their edged tools.

    These guys are clowns — no, excuse me, that’s an insult to the clown profession — they at least make people laugh. These guys just make you want to cry and give them a good thrashing.

    These guys are imbeciles — no, excuse me, but real, biological cretins are not to blame for their stupidity. These Galician douchebags have actually made a mission of doing stupid shit and destroying things of quality.

    All I can say is whatever dimwit at BMW turned a nice bike over to these bastards should be fired. No… that’s too good for him. Let him suffer the same fate as the rooster. But first take the founders of El Solitario and give them a nice “Fargo” treatment (you know the wood-chipper).

    The planet would be a better place if these fools are never allowed to touch a bike again.

    Actually, I have a two word “final solution” for “The Imposter” and other POS projects from El Solitario: Drone Strike. No Mas baby…


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  8. Wow, I don’t think it can get any worse…. Do these guys take pleasure from hacking stuff? Seems to be they specialize in everything from chickens to motorcycles… My only question is, did they torch and tattoo the chicken too?

  9. So….the marketing worked then. You stoopid eeedjets! And I’m sure that chicken had a much better life than the hormone filled, shit-walking, half bald, in-bred, greasy-feathered fowl that we’re all used to buying for our dinner.
    Mock outrage all around. Pah! Fuckin chin strokers!

    • “For El Solitario, riding motorcycles is the epitome of speed, a genuine modern revelation. The company started life in 2010 and still is very much a reverberation of its founders, friends, lifestyles and influences. The freedom of growing up in the ’80s; skating; riding hazardous motorcycles and playing in reckless bands have all been catalyzed to form this brand. The garage is their spiritual home where the constraints of traditional engineering inspire them and are regularly pushed by their imagination.”

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  11. God, I hate my R100 so much. Someone buy it and get it the fuck out of my garage. I don’t even care if it looks like this when you’re done with it.

  12. Well, it looks rather cold and damp there and I’m from Sussex where it can also be cold and damp. What the significance of the chicken was I don’t know. We were going to suggest making a video where we rode around in slo mo dressed as horned warlocks cricling a naked lady druid whilst close ups showed arrows thudding into a cow’s rump but then we came down.

  13. Oh my… Comments here about that bike are hysterical and accurate (“shopping cart” was brilliant).

    Not sure what to make of the chicken mutilation. Could they not find a claw hammer?

    I want to read more from the insightful m. Please tell us more about chicken farming. If you can tell me when you post I can be wearing my super-safe riding gear and eating some McNuggets when I read it.

  14. Wish I hadn’t looked at the BMW site. Anyone looking to buy a nice R1100S? I no longer want it. Would be a great starting point to weld some shit to.

  15. BMW stopped making aesthetically pleasing motorcycles about 35 years ago. Same as the Italians and Japs. And chopping anything but a Harley is innately retarded – Harley’s start off as pretty piss poor handling and plain looking bikes, you can’t make em any shittier no matter what you do usually, but these kraut bikes are actually meant to be ridden (albeit by boring people/commuters/touring tools), so why try to fuck with it at all and make ugly uglier? At least taking an old HD and sloughing off the shitty chrome and unnecessary shit makes it look better even if you can’t ride it like a Gixxer or some other performance machine.

    • Steady on, Martin. I have a Ducati Monster Dark in satin black. It’s no 750 Sport, but it’s a good-looking, if not beautiful, bike.

  16. It is funny… I am getting desensitized … because the way that chicken was handled is what I remember as being the dumbest part. I used to go to my grandma’s for Sunday chicken dinner, and would go with her to select a chicken from the coop. She knew how to dispatch a freakin’ chicken! There were two nails in a V on an old tree stump, and as she approached about 50 cats came from the far corners of the farm to battle for the head. In a flash its neck was stretched, quick slice of the knife, and it was left to flop around on the ground for a bit while the cats fought it out for their prize. I’ll never forget that… but I will forget this video and this latest trend that is seeping into the bike building world.

  17. The entire write up of the bike reads like a not so well disguised disclaimer – Sure, they state that they intend to shock, and that they know that a lot of people won’t like it, but if there is (supposedly) some kind of genuine agenda or intent with this bike, I really don’t see it.

    The write up is so filled with ‘fluff’ that I doubt they even have a clue what they’re up to anymore – Other than making videos that are intended to make you believe that they have thought long and hard about the birdcage they are building around the bike.

    “Art” that ONLY delivers shock value, HAS NO VALUE and is not worthy of an audience. These D-bags have pulled the wool over BMW’s eyes and sadly, due to large budgets and marketing, we are forced to bare witness to shite like this.

    If the intent is to shock the motorcycle community and to “do something different” , for the sake of doing something different, then why not simply cover the stock bike in faeces and and be done with it? …

    Oh wait, that is basically what they did.

  18. I saw this atrocity featured among some very nice builds by some very talented people at the one show this year. It seemed odd to me at the time that a bike that looks like a shopping cart could be “featured”. I don’t think many of the people there appreciated this bike, especially next to bikes people spent so much time and effort on. Also that ax was way too dull. sharpen it and stretch the neck. It should only take one small hit to separate- the idea is that the chicken doesn’t have to suffer and freak out . Why show that?

  19. Damn, what a shame. That was a nice bike. At least the text gave me a good laugh. And it really does look like a shopping cart fucked a catfish.

  20. I kid you not: I took this filth to BMW of North America. Shared with every PR email address that I could find my disgust for the chicken aspect of this hipster trash. CC’d PETA on it.

    They escalated it to BMW Motorrad AG in the fatherland. After a bit of offensive combat with their denial, they had El Shitario remove the chicken scene.

    I can’t make the horrors of the shopping-cart-catfish-bike go away. But maybe I can at least give a hen her dignity.

    • I love how people in America are so dis-jointed from reality. If a video with a chicken being killed bothers you, I sure hope your a vegetarian or your killing a chicken or cow every day. The guy didn’t kill the chicken for shock value. He made it into soup. Only in America could something so common in other places in the world, you know the people who actually have to raise or hunt there own food bother you sitting in your fancy car eating fast food. Idiots!

      • Only some cornball euro trash would take an entire website made up of jokes and name calling seriously, do you not see how funny what Jeff did is? Moron.

    • Knowing that serial killers typically grew up as animal abusers, and considering what they do to bikes, the only news to me will be how they discovered the bodies…

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