A fashion brand manager pays another man to build him a shitty motorcycle. Prepare yourself for this epic tale of hand wringing, drilling the well of his own creativity, and writing checks.
Gucci Chief Operating Officer Stuart Piercington here is eminently quotable, so here are a selection of his fine works.
“We started cutting apart jeans, jackets, shirts, and creating something out of nothing really.”
Because you know clothes were “nothing” until this moron ripped them apart and rubbed his creativity all over them. Pretty good analogy for what he’s doing with this motorcycle.
“Creativity is something that was inevitable for me. I think from an early age mum recognized, being an artist, that I could draw. It turned into quite a big deal.”
My mum put my pictures up on the refrigerator door. This did not blow out my ego to such fantastic proportions that I felt my inevitable destiny was jerking around some mechanic with whatever loopy-loo idea I saw on BikeEXIF that week.
“This incredible sense of rough animal in the bike”
These guys all try to make their worn out 70s commuter bike sound like some ripsnorting performance racer at the very ragged edge of control and sense. If you removed or ruined all the suspension on a Toyota Corolla it would feel like a beast too.
“Picasso said, ‘The chief enemy of creativity is good sense.’ Maybe that’s the point about creating something, it’s not meant to be easy, and I guess it’s like being a furnace, you know, forging something.”
Da Vinci said, “Take this screw helicopter and shove it up your ass, you self-inflated prick.” The only thing this guy created was a shittier version of a motorcycle. Or at least the signature on the check to pay for it. All you aspiring artists, please stick to expressing yourself with papier mâché or charcoal or Tumblr soliloquies or whatever. Motorcycles are not blank canvasses on which to ejaculate your self-importance. If you really like motorcycles, get one, make it run properly and go out and ride it. Not every single thing in the world has to be a rolling ego exhibit.
“I didn’t pick up a cigarette ever again. Here, this is what I was like, smoking. Please record, for this moment is as ephemeral as the wafting waves.”
Update: It’s now for sale.