Collective douche chills


This needs to be seen, we posted this way back when we were on tumblr but these dudes disabled video embedding and spoiled our fun. So we’ll just post a link to it,

Listen as Ira Glass on estrogen therapy recounts the adventure of social media consultants in the wild. Marvel at the manly feats and artisan food, watch their indomitable spirits spur them on, forging evermore towards their cheese and wine at the next pre-constructed campsite.

Stand in awe of their inflated sense of accomplishment at completing even the most menial of tasks.


72 thoughts on “Collective douche chills

  1. did they take their teddy bears to cuddle? the voice over guy sounds like he is amazed he found he had a noodle between his legs and wondered what it means ‘to be a man’ maaaaaan. Don’t mean to be cynical but this is arse.

  2. This camping moment of the video reminds me some kid camp moment. Lightning a torch with a burner, pre-assembled tables… This bullshit doesn’t exists for a badass rider. They forgot the polishop crap to complete feel “what they’re made of”.

  3. “In a world where men are becoming more emasculated…they bring a cook & video crew with them on a campout.”

    Actually looks like fun. $2500/person though so no way.

    Anyone able to identify their gear? My Aerostich gear never came in so I need to replace some stuff out of pocket.

  4. Don’t need a compass in the wild? That would be the exact fucking place you need one! Also small nylon world? apparently they needed a humongous pickup truck to haul their small nylon world.
    When they need to wake up their phones do not seem to be locked away.
    And what was up with the culty matching outfits.

    All that being said it does seem like a fun experience, just needs a lot less pretentiousness.

    • All the gear matches because it’s sponsored by Icon and other companies that make all the shit you see them using in the video. Hey if I could go camping with a personal chef I’d do it, I just wouldn’t call it an adventure.

  5. What the fuck was with the part where they used a propane torch to light a fire, and then later used that same torch to cook some ribs that were already on a fire.

    And then also the part where they were sitting around a fire and there were 2 propane lanterns on poles.

    What a bunch of fucking idiotic casuals.

    They couldn’t even haul their own food on their bikes for what is essentially a 2 day trip.

    “This is the pulse of the wild”. They essentially had a woman’s camping trip, but with motorcycles. Not even europeans are that frivolous outdoors.

    • The torch on the ribs was most likely a finish to carmelize the sauce on it. Yea they were really “roughin it” hahaha.

    • This woman, and many others, would piss further than you with your sexism, and as you are trying to ridicule others as less! Pathetic choice of words.
      I can attest to the glamBS as making my stomach hurt from laughter at this ridiculous ‘adventure’. However, for those boys, who likely have never changed their oil, this may very well be a Big Adventure. For us others, it’s a Big Joke. But at $2500 * 14, it likely paid their guides well enough to support their Real Adventure-i’d play. So, the joke is really on who??? You all, who think the narrator Really believes his words…ha!

    • I’m european and I take offence with you comparing us to this guys.

      “Gin and tonics are ready”… That killed me.

  6. “What it means to be a man” … ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? This is a five-star luxury camping trip – which, if that’s what you want is fine but anyone who considers this some sort of manly-bonding adventure has spent waaaaaay to much time shopping for raw denim jeans and jerking off to internet porn.

    Jesus Christ, what a piece of shit ….

  7. Yeah, they’re really roughing it — with sag wagons to haul all their gear. Folding tables and catered multi-course dinner? And using a gas burner to light a campfire, WTF? “In an age of eroding masculinity” — well these guys are proof of that. They boast of a “long day… covering over 100 miles.” Yeah that’s serious miles, LOL. But after their arduous journey, they were greated by “crab cocktails and artisan food”. But remember — “it’s those hard lessons taught by pain that … keep you from danger”. Pain? What, from too many crab cocktails? Or from being tent-buggered by one of your fellow riders? We are told “This is the pulse of the wild, this is the heart-beat of Wilderness Collective.” Seems more like some kind of rolling circle-jerk. Hmmm, not one woman — not even cooking or driving the sag wagon. And what’s with all the wrist bracelets and the matching parkas and the urban fashion? Sorry, someone has to say it… this seems really, really gay (both in the broader sense of lame/dorky and in the specific lifestyle sense). The gayventure theme is OK by me, but why don’t they just say so and get on with it… And the smarmy voice of the narrator — could that be any more annoying. He sounds like an whiney 15-year-old high schooler. This whole thing is so annoyingly pretentious, and self-important.

    @Nate:” What a bunch of fucking idiotic casuals. They couldn’t even haul their own food on their bikes for what is essentially a 2-day trip.”

    True Dat…

  8. Many more hilarious and sardonic comments here:

    Here are my favorites:

    Comment 1: If only it had started with the narrator being thrown off a cliff by the rest of the group, then there might have been some incentive to watch it to the end. I used to believe there was no such thing as a bad motorcycle video…

    Comment 2: Speaking of women, I just sent this video to my wife and this was her reaction via email:

    “The worst thing about this whole concept is that these ‘manly men’ who have to pay $$$$ to be guided on a tour and be told that it’s SUPER MANLY are doing something 100 times less hardcore than the wilderness trips i did when i was A FOURTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL with a bunch of other fourteen year girls. With leaders who were 19 year old girls. Propane flame throwers to light fires? please. “artisan food” carried on support trucks? please. So, yeah. I am not impressed by these “manly men” nor their weird gendering of wilderness adventure.”

    Comment 3: Urban lumberjacks play at going ‘Bush’ (as we say down here) but with camera crew and support van etc etc surely the whole point of getting on your bike and hitting the road is to have an adventure by yourself and take some responsibility for your own situation ie carry what you need on your bike.

    The Voice-over was so painfully earnest I had to turn the volume down …. And they did it all WITHOUT cellphones! OMG no twiitter or facebook for a weekend

    Comment 4: I honestly couldn’t make it all the way through. It ends with a circle-jerk, right?

    • in favorite comment #2, you forgot this part of my wife’s email.

      “We had old standard issue US Army gear from the Korean War and wiped our asses with leaves for 3 weeks straight.”

  9. This is what happens when you wrap a generation in cotton wool and wonder why they squeal “oooh we’re so manly” when they’re sent on a camping trip for the first time.

  10. Some magazine did an interview with the guy who set up that company. He was just as insufferable in it as you’d think. He’s positively obsessed with the concept of “what it is to be a man” and portraying himself as some amalgamation of Teddy Roosevelt, Sir Richard Burton and Ernest Hemingway.

    • I never got the Teddy Roosevelt thing, he was a rich kid from NYC with asthma who wanted to go play adventurer and ended up getting people killed.

  11. @HJ Nasty — You need to learn more about Roosevelt — it doesn’t begin and end with the Rough Riders. The guy was a genuine bad ass. Read his book Through the Brazilian Wilderness (his account of his 1000-mile River of Doubt expedition) and then ask yourself if you could have survived what those guys went through exploring an uncharted tributary of the Amazon. Mind you, he did this at age 55 AFTER serving as President. Can you imagine Mr. Obama doing anything tougher than playing an extra nine holes? I think you will find that, if you research TR, you will come away impressed with the man. He was no pussy. He actually took a bullet before delivering a speech, but insisted on giving the speech rather than receiving medical care. “Harvard student, soldier, Rough Rider, youngest President ever and one who survived the assassin’s bullet, maverick politician, Nobel Prize winner, hunter and conservationist, and finally the man who, at 55 years old, explored an unknown region of the Amazon river basin.”

    You also have TR to thank for many of the nation’s national parks… and the Panama Canal.

    About the shooting: “On October 14, 1912, an unemployed saloon-keeper shot former president and Progressive Party candidate Theodore Roosevelt outside a Milwaukee hotel. Rather than being rushed to the hospital, Roosevelt insisted on delivering his scheduled 90-minute speech. By slowing the bullet, those lengthy prepared remarks may actually have saved his life.

    Theodore Roosevelt’s opening line was hardly remarkable for a presidential campaign speech: “Friends, I shall ask you to be as quiet as possible.” His second line, however, was a bombshell.

    “I don’t know whether you fully understand that I have just been shot.”

    The horrified audience in the Milwaukee Auditorium on October 14, 1912, gasped as the former president unbuttoned his vest to reveal his bloodstained shirt. “It takes more than that to kill a bull moose,” the wounded candidate assured them. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a bullet-riddled, 50-page speech. Holding up his prepared remarks, which had two big holes blown through each page, Roosevelt continued. “Fortunately I had my manuscript, so you see I was going to make a long speech, and there is a bullet—there is where the bullet went through—and it probably saved me from it going into my heart. The bullet is in me now, so that I cannot make a very long speech, but I will try my best.”

  12. Wow. Just wow. There is nothing more to say, nothing left to parody. Bravo.

    If you are genuine, you don’t have to try so hard to define what you are.

  13. I am thinking of recreating this video in my backyard.
    I am near downtown Houston, TX , so it might be too rustic.

  14. So a group of homosexual men from the nearby Bay Area with too much time and more money than sense went camping. That is really all of the explanation that’s needed here.

  15. This video has everything: uniforms you have to wear! Schedules and timetables to keep! Going as slow as the slowest dude! People with too much money! I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it to the end. It costs very little to camp. You have to work hard to make it so stupidly expensive, regimented, and uniformed. Oh, I forgot! Rules! Like no cell phones! Because you’re not to be trusted to not be on your screen every second you’re not being actively entertained!

  16. $100 bucks the burley dude in the middle (at the end of video the group shoot) had to much wine one night a started sneaking into tents

  17. “In an age of eroding masculinity, where men are depicted as weak, blundering and misguided and shallow” !!!!! It’s so called men like YOU that are the problem !!!! hahahahaha. I’m not usually one to leave negative comments, but this is just plain embarrassing for the commentator, and the group of men that allowed their faces to be shown on the video with this commentary.

  18. Agree that the commentary is the problem. Actually, I guess it’s a sales pitch, and depending on their target demographic, who’s to say it misses the mark? It sure misses me, but that’s probably OK with them, I can’t afford expensive catered “adventure” tours. Without the commentary, the trip looks pretty fun. At least they didn’t make it using hipster “custom” bikes with firestone tires and 2″ of suspension travel.

  19. I admit I was skeptical of this blog when I first found it. I thought, why rip on people doing what they love. How naive I was. The magnitude of bullshit in this video is humbling. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard… “In an age of eroding masculinity, where men are depicted as weak, and blundering, and misguided…” over the shot of the strawberries and salamis. holy mother of all things.

  20. Yo, Bro, have some Hakenschlag beer, it’s ironic coz it is alcholol free, musn’t get merry you know!!
    Seriously though, these dicks are going to ruin biking as outsiders may see these vids or these people and think we are all pink pantied bike riders.

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  22. The very beginning is bad and it only gets worse — they get up at 5:00 a.m.? Yowza. You know, SOME PEOPLE DO THAT EVERY DAY BECAUSE THEY WORK IN FIELDS OTHER THAN WEB DESIGN OR FASHION MARKETING.

    “We’re manly and connected to nature, and we prove it with artisanal cheeses and matching $700 boots. Now hand me the propane torch so I can start the campfire.”

    I’ve been on more hardcore camping trips with my 9 year-old son’s Cub Scout troop.

  23. jesus……this cannot be real…….it just can’t….They were a band of brothers because they rode some logging roads together?

    I guess this is what happens when your dad ignores you as a child….jeez

  24. They are like the chick (true story here!) who said……..”My definition
    of Camping??…..Bad Room Service!”
    Too bad …….
    Skids said it rite………. 334 miles/82 hours.Fucking Sad….

  25. I’m embarrassed. Manly? bikers? Are you freaking kidding me! This is an afternoon ride. Whats with the support truck and “caramelized” rib sauce. Stick some jerky in your pocket and ride. And, for gods sake, matching red jackets? jeeze.

  26. It would be more meaningful to wake up and think you were fucking blind… then upon realising that your eyes HAD opened……but-except that when focusing,the brain had signalled that you were looking at the dried beige puke in your snap on shield……after a Black Russian evening and a bike parked sideways downstairs!
    -and you are still in your helmet and riding gear,on the bathroom floor,at 2:00 pm,in an unconditioned apt. in Tennessee in June,back in the mid 70’s.That my friends is a REAL experience however the lame asses will call it-it was still truly
    far closer to crazy living than these clowns attempt-and some how I have that and
    MANY other equally insane memories of riding and Real partying-The kind of wealth you take with you,and screw those who think otherwise…They end up in videos like this one.Yep-it gets mighty warm sometimes,but the learning curve always has some degree of friction!

  27. NEVER have I ever seen someone go “motorcycle camping” and have a truck bring in all their stuff, food, etc. those guys were eating better than I can at home on my best days. Fuck them. I’m going camping by motorcycle in May. I’m packing everything in on my bike. 450 miles, total travel time: 9 hours, including stops.

  28. Every now and then I revisit and laugh my ass off at these chodes.
    I’d be interested to know the pooping situation. Sure, the artisan cheese will slow things down a bit, but I guarantee the freshly ground french press coffee got the turds back up and running…and then what?
    I can only pray that at least one of them got plagued with severe diarrhea.

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  30. I feel for the stately trees that were poisoned by the toxic seeping douchery. Growing for 1000 years they have never built a defense for this, as most woodland visitors are naturally douche free.

  31. Good God, these effeminate little bastards make something great, like trail riding and camping and drinking and smoking cigars with your buddies into something weird and wrong

    And Ira Glass on estrogen therapy is one of the best descriptions I’ve read in a long time

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