Bad Thai

A reader sent this in to us, I don’t even know what the fuck.

Now we have Thai (I think) morons pretending to be American morons who are pretending to be other American morons from 30 years ago?  This whole 60s biker cosplay shit is getting out of hand.

tumblr_static_hamburgler-on-bike-with-hamburger-wheels_originalWhy are these dudes dressed like the Hamburgler.

 

 

Feel Good Friday

Hey remember when America had its own motorcycle racing series?  Whatever happened with that?  Oh that’s right they sold it to DMG and it went to shit.  Well I guess England still has a series, and it’s pretty cool.  BSB Tracks are fun to watch racing on and Cadwell Park is famous for its jump, so I guess enjoy this and try not to think to much about what happened to the AMA series.

El Shitatrio

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse.

This spawn of Satan is a result of BMW throwing its marketing money at people with beards and tight pants.  BMW, are you really this desperate to take a market share from the Bonneville?  I mean I’ll give you credit, the R Nine T isn’t quite as retro as the Bonnie, but then again I get it, German “retro” carries some extra baggage with it.

BMW gave these retards a brand new bike to customize, and what resulted is similar to the last time Germans supported awful people in Spain.  This bike started out as a brand new motorcycle.  Now it looks like a shopping cart fucked a catfish.

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This one is so heinous that even the comments of BikeExif are turning on it.  The [only?] defense seems to be “well they got you talking about it, that means they’re doing something right.”  This sentiment infuriates me to no end.  You know what else got people talking?  9/11 you cunts.

Not satisfied with their 110hp Piggly Wiggly cart, the artists added what you’d obviously add to this bike when making a vimeo of it.  A lazy and disinterested man beheading a chicken and proudly displaying its dying head to the camera.  Thus intimately dramatizing their “quest to create an impact on the observer and this does not necessary mean to please their eyes with easy indulgent proposals.”  I’d like you all to ponder any possible connections to fascism again at this point, please.

Epic Alligator

This is getting ridiculous.  We understand needing booming narration and mood lighting if you’re trying to convince people to pay you $30k to build a shitty cafe racer out of a CX500.  The shallow depth of field and promise of grandiose results helps part fools from their money.  When you’re selling manhood to rich idiots it’s almost understandable.

However now this style of video has reached across to the realm of everyday products like clothes.  Here we have a video for Lacoste.  Christian Bale reads Jack Kerouac with a Johnny Cash soundtrack to promote the union of man, machine and nature; the intimate expression of one’s emotion and spirit; the palpable détente between one’s own hands and the fruit of that hand’s labor sell pants.

On their next marketing project, Charmin will feature in intermittently focused and dimly lit vintage-look stalls with wistful sentiments narrated about how wiping our asses unites us all as human beings.

 

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Feel good friday RC30

We haven’t posted a Feel Good Friday vid in a while, so this week we have a real treat. Something to really wash the taste of bullshit out.

Instead of watching Sven the bearded wonder fuck around in a moody garage and “build” a motorcycle, let’s watch professionals do it.  Dudes with PhDs in motorcycles. Instead of some junk heap CB, let’s watch a truly cool motorcycle get put together.  In my opinion the RC30 is probably one of the coolest/prettiest motorcycles of the last 25 years.

Enjoy.

Rage trippers

Readers have submitted videos from these guys before (link) but we gave them a pass, because despite their stupid helmets they had not ruined the bikes they were riding. So I was sort of expecting the same when this video came our way. Boy, was I wrong.

This starts out with the same dumb helmets and admittedly cool bikes. Then, the 230 Benz comes into view and it goes off the rails, fast. I was already kind of annoyed/jealous that these douches had a bevel drive Ducati so the car only incensed me more. Then I saw the guy with the fucking mustache and the Polaroid camera, the music began to sting my ears. By the time they pulled up to the picnic table I could feel the veins in my neck throbbing. The rage began to consume me.

My blood boils at the sight of that carefully cluttered table, my skin has entirely slid off my face and I can feel the flames jetting from my nose and ear holes. Imagine a bespoke leather gloved fist smashing into an immaculately waxed mustache over and over for all eternity, that’s my dream, that’s my nightmare. When they start juggling peaches, I have already become death, destroyer of worlds.

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Collective douche chills

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This needs to be seen, we posted this way back when we were on tumblr but these dudes disabled video embedding and spoiled our fun. So we’ll just post a link to it, https://vimeo.com/55420992

Listen as Ira Glass on estrogen therapy recounts the adventure of social media consultants in the wild. Marvel at the manly feats and artisan food, watch their indomitable spirits spur them on, forging evermore towards their cheese and wine at the next pre-constructed campsite.

Stand in awe of their inflated sense of accomplishment at completing even the most menial of tasks.

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