Ducati the Freshmaker!

The last few years the big factories have been aiming bikes directly at lazy hipsters. The ones who can’t be bothered to find some shit heap, make it worse and produce a pretentious video about how much it means to make terrible things. They want 2nd tier hipsters and can you blame them? These well heeled trustafarians are particularly easy to part from their (parents) money.  Even the Germans were trading in their lab coats for high end denim this year with the release of the R Nine T, so it’s no surprise that Ducati wants in on the act.

As it was in WWII, so it is now, the Italians simply aren’t in the same league as the Germans. BMW were smart enough to pay established bullshit artists like El Solitario to produce their videos for extra credibility. The Italians took a swing at producing their own video. The result? Well the result is a mix between a Mentos ad and a hipster bike video. They have all the elements, grating music, fake drag races, pushing over a guy taking a piss but they miss the mark somehow. There is no self importance, no talk of connection between man and machine not even a single meaningful look into the camera.

Honorable mention goes to this Husqvarna video, in which they use things like urban camping and models to try and trick hipsters into buying a modern motorcycle. They’re trying to convince these civil war beard enthusiasts that maybe a shit box Honda from the 70s isn’t the be all and end all of motorcycling. We wish them luck.

Feel Good Friday Turbo Edition

Been a long week, so lets take a break from all the hipster nonsense and watch a video that makes us smile.

This one is personal for me, when I was a teenager in the mists of time (the 90’s) one of my brother’s idiot friends had a GSX-R 1100 with a turbo strapped on to it. A bike so ridiculous that I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from it, so while cruising around you tube I came across the video and couldn’t help but smile and shudder at the same time. Enjoy the madness.

Vintage cool

(Original Post from Nov 3, 2013)

A lot of people have confused us making fun of pretentious assholes for us hating vintage bikes. This is not the case, one of us rides a 1955 BMW regularly and we hold no hate in our heart for old bikes. So for once we’re gonna post a video we actually like. Weird choice of music though.

Re-posting this because I’m sick of answering stupid people in the comments. Stop creating straw men in your heads to argue against, I don’t love all GSX-Rs (or all modern sports bikes), even though my brother loves them I think they’re pretty dumb. I don’t hate vintage bikes, I’ve owned a few of them, they’re neat sometimes. I make fun of stupid videos made by dickheads, if you ride an old bike and don’t fit into the description then you shouldn’t be getting your panties all in a bunch. So please stop.

Backpack bullshitters

These guys come out of the gate strong!

 “When it comes to motorcycles, there are two ways: Either you drive it around, or you contemplate around it”

After that objectively wrong and ridiculous statement, we’ll be doing the latter about this drivel.  These Swedish beet farmers didn’t disappoint, their video checks off many boxes on the Hipster Bingo card with fenderless bikes and faux-primitive coffee prep all over the place.

“I have no ambitions than to create my own and others’ well-being.”

And by well-being we mean $400  man purses.

This video gave us an idea, we want to start a company to sell non operational replicas of motorcycles to hipsters.  Imagine, every beardocrat can have his dream CX500 parked in the living room.  He can prepare some extremely bitter coffee, put on his favorite record and enjoy the crackly noises, randomly take parts off the bike, stare at them while contemplating existence, and then put them back on.  Fiddle with as many screws and nuts as his heart desires and blog about the experience all in the comfort of his loft space. We’re gonna be rich!

 

For more laughs watch their how to videos on closing a bag https://vimeo.com/60901086 and boiling water https://vimeo.com/69608553

 

Beardo Hegemony

Watching this video was hard, it all felt so familiar. I had to scan back through the blog to make sure we hadn’t already posted about it. This happens a lot, most of what we see here we’ve seen in other videos many many times. A bunch of bikes parked in frame while some very particular looking  people do things in front of or around them. Everything was so dull and repetitive, I wasn’t having any luck coming up with mean enough jokes. Just as I was about to close the window I noticed that this event took place in Australia!

Wow who could have guessed it? It’s all the same dopey shit we’ve seen in videos from around the world. This got me thinking, this video could have been anywhere in the world and the crowd would look pretty much the same. Portland, San Francisco, London, Paris or really any city in the world with a white enough population. This is quite an achievement!

Congratulations you jack offs, your image bullshit now rivals the globe spanning breadth of Harley morons. Your neck tattoos, topiary bush facial hair, anachronistic hats, hitler youth haircuts and work boots are on par with best of what the weekend pirates in the Harley world could come up with. Hipster Hegemony has been achieved.

insta

 

insta

ROLF LAUREN

Reader David sent this our way.

We weren’t sure about making fun of French people, we’ve avoided doing it in the past. The problem is, it’s too hard to spot a French hipster. For all we know, riding a vintage motorcycle to an art gallery party, wearing grandpas WWII jacket, eating cave aged cheese with a classic bowie knife while listening to some rare blues record could just be another Tuesday for a regular french guy. It’s very difficult to tell.

Luckily this video is a bit more cut and dry. Fashion brand Ralph Lauren saw how much money there was in selling over priced jeans to these well heeled beardos and decided to get in the game. Good news for them, every single “motorcycle builder” is also a fashion brand in this world, so they should fit right in, look forward to buying their gear at Bloomingdales.

This ride must have been a dream for some of these riders, getting to play pretend with like minded folks and do a 60 mile ride which ends at a high end fashion boutique, what else could a motorcyclist ask for.

http://www.rrlriders.com/

Pretty good looking Vincent and BSA can be spotted in the video if you can look past all the yellow headlights and beards. insta

Show us ze papers

Leave it to the Germans to distill hipster videos down to their very essence and then execute one with Teutonic precision and proficiency.

We couldn’t help but imagine Germans in lab coats arguing over how many times the word soul must be used or what is the appropriate length of beard.

“nein! ze flussdiagramm clearly states there must be DUST CLOUDS in ze drag race”