Humper S Toddler

Sorry guys we’re all kinda busy and bored with the site at the moment. To all the people sending feedback and recommendations we’ll get around to reading them soon. In the mean time have a good laugh and read this, been cracking us up ever since we saw it.  http://www.chinonthetank.com/2013/08/rulers-run/

 

“Every year towards late August a handful of rare souls converge together to wreak havoc on the streets of Brooklyn, like some horrid natural phenomenon emerging from the sea to consume an entire city. “

By which he means some hipsters from Philly went to NYC to do some shopping and attend a motorcycle show.

“Eventually we set out for food down Bedford Ave., looking as if some brutes were set loose from their cage.” 

Yeah check these dudes out, they don’t look anything like every single person in Broolyn, they’re brutes, savages, freaks so different from every other 20 something in BK. IMG_7704_lr

 

“Somewhere around 1:30, I scouted out Manhattan in search of some threads and found no traffic to be had from Brooklyn to the tunnel (our exit strategy for later that day). I made my way back to the show and met the rest of our group.”

Uggh don’t you just hate it when you come back from a shopping trip empty handed.

 

Cringe Pic

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We laughed pretty hard at this, I mean I buy a lot of my tools at Harbor Freight but I’m a cheap asshole goofing around in my garage. This is supposedly a custom bike builder and “lifestyle brand” based in Brooklyn. If you’re going to pretend to be a custom bike builder don’t buy every single tool from Harbor Freight. Nothing goes better with 30 year old bikes than 12 point sockets, if your mission is to strip every single bolt on the bike.

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What is this dude taking a break from doing? My guess, arranging everything on this workbench to make it perfect for his instagram. Imagine him placing the can of Bud, standing back, “yeah that’s perfect now it looks like a mechanic from 1975 owns this”

Wheels and Wankers

Someone pointed us to the website for an event called Wheels and Waves and boy, I haven’t stopped laughing since. What is this bullshit? Google translate is a little funny, from what I can tell it’s a bunch of euro hipsters meeting up for a weekend to go for a ride in some French town. Instead of meeting up  and just riding your motorcycle it has to be an “event”. You see they wouldn’t be caught dead doing something as pedestrian as going for a ride with some friends.

Don’t be a fucking idiot! How can anyone be expected to go out and enjoy a motorcycle ride without, brand sponsors, photographers,  film crews and art shows, you uncultured swine! How can you sit on your motorcycle if it’s not directly behind a camera van? For some good laughs, go here and look at the photos and videos section of this site. http://www.wheels-and-waves.com/photos   ww14-benoit-guerry-002-682x1024Ah yes, essential in every motorcyclist’s tool kit. $7000 Camera, never leave home without it. Never know when you’ll need to pull over to the side of the road and take pictures of yourself holding tools.

ww14-benoit-guerry-043-682x1024See what I mean! When your hair looks this good after wearing a helmet, a high quality camera is needed to document it.

ww14-dimitri-coste-001-1024x682“Hurry guys, the camera van is leaving, everyone comb your beards and put on your badass face”

ww14-benoit-guerry-017-1024x682 (1)This guy is very upset he forgot his headlight tape at home.

ww14-benoit-guerry-018-1024x682So cute, these guys decided to coordinate their costumes. I want to believe that they all just bought some vintage flights suits from ebay but I have feeling they’re wearing this nonsense because some company is selling these as motorcycle riding gear for some ludicrous price.

ww14-benoit-guerry-012-682x1024Hmmm, a guy on a very nice bevel drive Ducati, wearing a modern helmet and actual riding gear. Maybe the poor guy got lost and ended up in the middle of this group of posers?

ww14-benoit-guerry-011-682x1024Oh man this bike again! How have these guys just not been laughed out of every single motorcycle related thing ?

ww14-dimitri-coste-035-1024x682Well at least this helmet manufacturer is honest about who they make their helmets for, rich idiots in costumes.

ww14-benoit-guerry-019-682x1024He always travels with his personal photographer.

ww14-benoit-guerry-042-1024x682“hehehe yeah and then BMW gave me a free motorcycle can you believe it”

Another Milestone

The website while amusing in places does smack a bit of a intolerant dictatorial nazi venting his spleen over those he/they hold in derision. In a different time you would find his like guarding unfortunates in concentration camps or burning books!
I myself find the current trend of stripping down old and sometimes tatty small to medium capacity bikes and converting them into often good looking but very definitely leisure orientated bikes, in the style of cafe racers or other similar stylised bikes from the past very refreshing.

Well we’ve officially arrived, someone on the internet compared us to Nazis. Break out the Champagne boys, we’re going straight to the top.

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Cringe Pic

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http://www.endclothing.co.uk/barbour-steve-mcqueen-macgrain-jacket.html

Here is a replica of Steve McQueen’s six days jacket made by Barbour, it comes with authentic mud splatter.  Don’t worry, it’s rubberized mud splatter so it won’t fall off when you sit in your Aeron chair to make the final edit on your video.

This jacket represents quite a misunderstanding of the legacy of Steve McQueen.   Maybe they watched On Any Sunday with the volume down so they could luxuriate in its vintage instagram-filtered imagery, missing the point that Steve McQueen was a rich and famous man who went out and got real mud on him while racing under a fake name to avoid attention.  The movie wasn’t even about him, he financed it and was just there to have fun and help draw attention to the stories of the real racers and the amazing skills of his buddy Malcolm Smith.

You have to envision this jacket out in the world.

“Don’t sit there, you’ll get mud on my furniture you cunt”

“That’s where you’re wrong, this is carefully applied synthetic dirt that cost me 500 pounds sterling”

The haunted look in his eyes says it all. Just learned it’s Steve’s 84th birthday today, happy bday Steve. 


 

This post was written by special guest, Echo all the way from Oireland – Harvard

Pretense & Bullshit

“Thought you guys might appreciate this – the idea popped into my head while watching one of the videos you posted: http://smldg.com/hipster_bike_shop/ It’s a helpful tool I put together for anyone looking to start a new coffee/clothing/hair product shop. Every time you reload the page it generates a new, authentic and completely original moto-themed brand..” – evan@smalldog-media.com

Are you about to open a new motorcycle/coffee/hair product store?  Do you have a business loan co-signed by your parents?  Are you looking for warehouse space in a trendy part of town?  Well here is the first thing you should do, come up with a trendy 2 part name and logo.  Join the likes of Iron & Air, Iron & Resin, Seaweed & Gravel.

One of our awesome readers developed this tool for you, just go there and hit refresh till you  get one you like.

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Cringe worthy pic of the day

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”I don’t know what this knob does but I’ve seen other people fiddle with it.  #RedlightWrenching”

Pro tip cafe dudes, I know it looks cool and all but don’t ride around on the street with your headlights taped up. It makes already shitty lights on old bikes even worse.

The tape is usually a requirement race tracks have so when you crash, tiny shards of glass don’t end up all over the place. I know it looks super authentic and you wouldn’t want to look inauthentic but trust me. You look like a tool.