Cringe Pic

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We laughed pretty hard at this, I mean I buy a lot of my tools at Harbor Freight but I’m a cheap asshole goofing around in my garage. This is supposedly a custom bike builder and “lifestyle brand” based in Brooklyn. If you’re going to pretend to be a custom bike builder don’t buy every single tool from Harbor Freight. Nothing goes better with 30 year old bikes than 12 point sockets, if your mission is to strip every single bolt on the bike.

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What is this dude taking a break from doing? My guess, arranging everything on this workbench to make it perfect for his instagram. Imagine him placing the can of Bud, standing back, “yeah that’s perfect now it looks like a mechanic from 1975 owns this”

Seriously

 

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Jewelry that looks like a tool, how poignant is that?  Zoolander’s Derelicte fashion line comes to life in this item, and it only took 13 years for parody to become reality.  The idea that manual labor would become a fashion fetish for the affluent, what’s next? Mechanics overalls on the catwalks of Milan?

If someone paid me money to come up with a single object that could be used to define and ridicule this entire movement, I couldn’t have done it better than this.  Irony levels off the fucking charts.  The entire e-store of Blitz bikes is the same.  It’s almost impossible to parody.  The Sarah Palin of motorcycle websites.

Think the major manufacturers are just as bad with their merchandise?  Consider these two items and their respective prices:

http://shop.ducati.com/ie/accessories/clothing-accessories/scarfs-bandana/metropolitan-aw13-pashmina.html

http://blitzmotorcycles.bigcartel.com/product/barber-kit-scarf

Cringe Pic

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http://www.endclothing.co.uk/barbour-steve-mcqueen-macgrain-jacket.html

Here is a replica of Steve McQueen’s six days jacket made by Barbour, it comes with authentic mud splatter.  Don’t worry, it’s rubberized mud splatter so it won’t fall off when you sit in your Aeron chair to make the final edit on your video.

This jacket represents quite a misunderstanding of the legacy of Steve McQueen.   Maybe they watched On Any Sunday with the volume down so they could luxuriate in its vintage instagram-filtered imagery, missing the point that Steve McQueen was a rich and famous man who went out and got real mud on him while racing under a fake name to avoid attention.  The movie wasn’t even about him, he financed it and was just there to have fun and help draw attention to the stories of the real racers and the amazing skills of his buddy Malcolm Smith.

You have to envision this jacket out in the world.

“Don’t sit there, you’ll get mud on my furniture you cunt”

“That’s where you’re wrong, this is carefully applied synthetic dirt that cost me 500 pounds sterling”

The haunted look in his eyes says it all. Just learned it’s Steve’s 84th birthday today, happy bday Steve. 


 

This post was written by special guest, Echo all the way from Oireland – Harvard

Pretense & Bullshit

“Thought you guys might appreciate this – the idea popped into my head while watching one of the videos you posted: http://smldg.com/hipster_bike_shop/ It’s a helpful tool I put together for anyone looking to start a new coffee/clothing/hair product shop. Every time you reload the page it generates a new, authentic and completely original moto-themed brand..” – evan@smalldog-media.com

Are you about to open a new motorcycle/coffee/hair product store?  Do you have a business loan co-signed by your parents?  Are you looking for warehouse space in a trendy part of town?  Well here is the first thing you should do, come up with a trendy 2 part name and logo.  Join the likes of Iron & Air, Iron & Resin, Seaweed & Gravel.

One of our awesome readers developed this tool for you, just go there and hit refresh till you  get one you like.

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Cringe worthy pic of the day

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”I don’t know what this knob does but I’ve seen other people fiddle with it.  #RedlightWrenching”

Pro tip cafe dudes, I know it looks cool and all but don’t ride around on the street with your headlights taped up. It makes already shitty lights on old bikes even worse.

The tape is usually a requirement race tracks have so when you crash, tiny shards of glass don’t end up all over the place. I know it looks super authentic and you wouldn’t want to look inauthentic but trust me. You look like a tool.

Cringe worthy pic of the day

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http://seaweedandgravel.com/collections/helmets

Have you ever wanted to buy used shitty helmets at new helmet prices? Well here is your chance, we’re not even sure this site is real, maybe it’s a parody site like The Onion or something, no one can be this stupid, right?

Highlights include this most likely crash damaged helmet for $200

http://seaweedandgravel.com/collections/helmets/products/helmet-full-face-black-moto3