20 thoughts on “Build a dick

  1. A car designer talks about bike design! Low performance readers express their love and devotion for low performance bikes! Dimbulbs intellectualize the dumbing down of motorcycling! Old white guy that runs website makes fun of old white guys! Stale is the new fresh!

    Thanks to those pissy wankers, modern bikes appeal to me a lot more now…

  2. “find a shit bike you could just about afford.
    put lower handlebars on it” — Yep, that sort of sums up this build. Very lengthy pseudo-scientific BS about design, with lots of Adobe illustrator overlays. But when you stand back and realize the author is using an ugly bike with questionable suspension geometry as a model for bike design you realize how stupid (and arrogant) the exercise is.

      • My favorite part is the bit about the “fork distance” in his imaginary world, rake is just used to give bikes a “pouncing’ and aggressive stance”. Seriously can you imagine the engineers at Honda R&D probably never stop throwing up when they see stuff like this.

        • Absolutely. I`d recommend Charles keeping that “fork distance” right down to around 1 inch. Make it real pouncy and film it crossing some railroad tracks at 60mph so we can see the all important “bone line”……. scraped along the road.

  3. I also like the way the author (Charlie T) actually identifies the mismounted down-pointing headlight as a design feature because it is a “secondary angle” parallel to the radiator. I kid you not. See: http://kickstart.bikeexif.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/9-how-to-build-a-cafe-racer-625×416.jpg. So we should all tilt our headlights down at the ground to be stylish. BTW, lest you think that author Charlie is actually some kind of big-shot designer, consider that his only claim to design fame is working on the Tata Nano, a washing machine on wheels. Tata in flames: http://bit.ly/1ce64Ot

  4. So according to this guy a Goldstar and a Thruxton are not cafe racers, since both BSA and Velocette don’t have “the curve of the tank flowing into the curve of the cowl, fuck, the goldstar doesn’t even have a hump or cowl so I guess it must be a Dragger Bagger or something.

    Who ever wrote this article is completely retarded, and clearly doesn’t know shit about bikes. Why the fuck would you pick that ugly ass brat bike with purposeless over-sized tires as an example of what a cafe racer is? The title should be: “How to ̶B̶u̶i̶l̶d̶/Ruin a non functioning piece of shit with an already piece of shit bike from the 80’s”

    Pro tip:
    There’s something called history, know it.

    How to build a cafe racer:
    Make a British bike from the 60’s maybe 70’s look more-less like a racing machine, done.

  5. pouncing+aggressive= handles like a drunk snake , throw in the lack of riding ability= one less stupid bike , so please make your bikes more pounce orientated

    • We aren’t all that bad, designers I mean. There are a few of us out there who get just as pissed off at all this arty bullshit as everyone else. Problem is anyone who trys to change an existing design classifies themselves as a “designer”. The general rule which none of these guys follow is “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it”.

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