Backpack bullshitters

These guys come out of the gate strong!

 “When it comes to motorcycles, there are two ways: Either you drive it around, or you contemplate around it”

After that objectively wrong and ridiculous statement, we’ll be doing the latter about this drivel.  These Swedish beet farmers didn’t disappoint, their video checks off many boxes on the Hipster Bingo card with fenderless bikes and faux-primitive coffee prep all over the place.

“I have no ambitions than to create my own and others’ well-being.”

And by well-being we mean $400  man purses.

This video gave us an idea, we want to start a company to sell non operational replicas of motorcycles to hipsters.  Imagine, every beardocrat can have his dream CX500 parked in the living room.  He can prepare some extremely bitter coffee, put on his favorite record and enjoy the crackly noises, randomly take parts off the bike, stare at them while contemplating existence, and then put them back on.  Fiddle with as many screws and nuts as his heart desires and blog about the experience all in the comfort of his loft space. We’re gonna be rich!


For more laughs watch their how to videos on closing a bag and boiling water


43 thoughts on “Backpack bullshitters

  1. My brain can’t even process that coffee pot demo video. “You can make coffee anywhere so long as you have this handy burner, propane tank, full sized tea kettle, bag of freshly ground free trade coffee beans, cup AND saucer (what are we, peasants?) and an enormous leather backpack to put them all in. But you won’t be able to go more than a few miles from a densely populated area without any kind if supplies, change of clothing, tools, or form of shelter. And god knows how hard it is to get a cup of coffee within 20 miles of your house.”

  2. Please no more! I can’t watch this…. I see these Hipsters every day. I want a pile of stickers for this web site to past at will on their crap.

  3. Titanium and chrome are somehow immoral? Is titanium and chrome lust sinful? Perhaps an impure desire for those of the hipster faith?

    Suddenly I have a burning urge for a titanium and chrome Ducati…

    • Every time I get a “Dislike”, I think “Feedback from a failing career blogger with an unsustainable revenue stream”….

  4. That was some artful bullshit, no doubt. I think you need to consider an annual awards post, Nasty. A “Best of the BS” or something…

  5. There it is again! There is always some commercial venture behind the bullshit.

    Are they seriously riding off road on those tyres?

    That £250 quid man purse would go along way to buying some decent rubber!

  6. Apparently this was made for the Motorcycle Film Festival.

    From the blurb…. “Every motorcycle customizer has an in-house filmmaker, and every hip moto-event from Biarritz to Melbourne has built-in paparazzi”.

    This is obviously the place to be to play BS Bingo on a grand scale! NYC September, dont forget your cards hipsters!!

  7. Swede here, first of all the coffee is not a “bag of freshly ground free trade coffee beans” it’s just a regular swedish brand you can buy anywhere and everywhere. Secondly, “(what are we, peasants?)” no but the people in the video probably have some connetion to the farmer life. The guy is from a county or state, (I don’t know the equivalent in english) called Småland. It’s characterized by very thick forests and difficult ground to farm in since its full of stones from the last snowage. The people of Småland have always been seen as hard labourors living hard lives with little food and alot of work, alot of Americans actually descend from these people since alot of us emmigrated because the living conditions were so bad. Thirdly, Speedway and cross motorcycling in general is huge in småland, some of the worlds best riders are from here. The guys seem genuin and just tryna make a livin doin something they like, no need to be all harsh on them. Seen way worse hipsters on this site though :)

    • But, but, but why bother take culture, location or personal background into context? To us crotch rocketeers everyone who isn’t wearing a padded aerostich pussy suit is a hipster.

      • Location? WORLD WIDE WEB, dumbass. And thanks to hipster hegemony. it wouldn’t look any different if it were “Filmed” in Portland or Perth. It looks like it was produced for Shoreditch consumption anyway.

        Nothing says ethnic Swedish like fake American tires on a Japanese motorcycle.

      • No need to attack people with powerful bikes because you are scared of going fast and corners and stuff. Your self description is appropriate for 90% of Duc riders I have encountered. Posers are as posers do. The other 10% have been very fast. The thing I don’t get about the ‘on any sunday’ wannabes is that if was filmed now, the racers would be on the lastest gear going as fast as possible. Not prancing around on slow, low tech outdated pieces of crap.

  8. I don’t know these people, the area in which they reside, or their history. However, the ridiculous wares that they’re peddling and some of the arrogant and foolish beginnings of that video make me want to argue with you. I, for one, am sick of bike culture being hijacked, AGAIN, into some fucking thing that it’s not. Want to know why I ride? Because I always wanted to, because it’s fun, and because it’s cheap. I pulled my ride from a snowbank years ago for 600 bucks and never looked back. It’s a rare day when I don’t commute about 140 miles on it. I couldn’t afford to do that in a car, financially or emotionally. I don’t sit in my garage contemplating the fucking thing. I work on it, change the oil, tighten up 35 year old bolts, inspect areas that need future replacement, clean corrosion off wiring, throw some dielectric grease on contacts, adjust the valves, and air up the tires. And then I enjoy the rest of my day. And somehow I manage to do this without a gaudy leather box strapped to my back because I also learned long ago that riding with a backpack long distances is not fucking comfortable at all. I bought a three dollar bungee cord set and took care of that problem pretty quick.

  9. But whatever you do, while making coffee and ‘contemplating’ your motorcycle, don’t forget to take the time to hang up a saw. I suppose.

    This stuff boggles the mind…

  10. I like this new scene for all the actual females at bike events, partying, free expensive stuff from photo shoots for band wagon jumping brands, bike riding with new buddies, hanging around with bike fans from my ‘demographic’, bike events that are not just a bunch of sport bike guys in a grey rainy car park in Acton, and bla bla etc.., but I’m still struggling to get my head around this weird obsession with ridiculously expensive strange things that have a weight rating on the material used to make them. somewhere along the line a bunch of people decided bikes go with coffee and 200 quid bag things. i don’t know where that bit came along!!! I got some rad army surplus pannier bags from Kempton auto jumble, £1 each!! ha ha ha. and i got a rucksack for £5 from shepherds Bush market! lasted years that shit

    • Yeah I’m sure it’s more fun than hanging out with sweaty dudes and eating gas station hot dogs and doing all day rides, but at least that shit is real. If the price for having girls around and decent food is I have to pretend some fashion brand idiot is a craftsman or a motorcycle builder, no thanks. I’ll be over with the old guys standing around in parking lots.

  11. I don’t dislike the attraction to old bikes, the do-it-yourself attitude, or even the obsession with coffee. I exhibit all of these things. What annoys me about the hipster bike people (who are predominately Millennials, for some reason) is the need to film it all — to transform it from just someone living his life the way he likes, with the things he enjoys, into a fully-actualized, synthetic lifestyle. It’s the self-consciousness, the preening, the definition of the Self through one’s consumer habits, the fabrication of life. It’s a media-saturated, phony life.

    • Spot on. I don’t know what a millennial is but almost everyone under the age of 30 seems to feel the urge to film every fucking thing they do and talk fucking nonsense about it and then broadcast it to the world on the internet.

  12. Re the girls thing — when I started riding in the late 70s, there were always girls around, because our girlfriends rode on the back. While I was in law school, heck I didn’t even have a car. And trust me, the girls we rode with were cute, fun-loving, and fearless. I don’t know why, but the millennials rarely have girls ride pillion with them. My guess is that’s because a lot of girls recognize that many hipster guys are phony, and maybe a little ambiguous about their sexuality (more interested in fashion than in female company, perhaps?)

    • Right on Paul. I have to say, im 23 years old, and just got my new bike; its an sr500. Riding this cool bike around has given me the confidence to come out and feel good about being gay. Im just thankful this whole motorbike scene started.

      • A brilliant bike. Search for for “Analog SR500”. As for the rest of the nonsense – it’s only funny if take in the spirit it was intended – in other words, you don’t take it seriously. Otherwise it’s just hate.

  13. I suppose the stars of this tripe Joot Blixxen and Parm Wibihagen are truly proud of their lot in life. From their milky white scurvy induced complexions to their psychopathic obsessive need to have their box wrenches lined up perfectly, these two shitbags think they are so artistic, retro-cool, and hip, that they embody the absolute opposite in their video graphic characterization of themselves. In short, they are trying to hard to be cool.

    • Woah dude! Chill out. Take the piss, have a laugh. Leave the racist hate at home. Jeez, you yanks are way too serious. A delicate nerve somewhere perhaps?

  14. “The all through waxed canvas acts like a collector of time. Each day of use will be printed onto the bag, leaving signs. Signs of how you rest the bag against the table leg visiting the after work café. Signs telling whether you have a rear fender on your bicycle or not. Or even traces of a shopping list written with a stick on the bag’s backside. A gentle dry brush is the only way to clean the outside – what is done to the bag stays with the bag. The imperfect puzzle starts to connect piece by piece, owner to bag.”…..

    What shite!!!

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