Chopper Con

This trailer does not do the film justice, please go watch the full movie on Netflix.

The movie is the story of a bunch of motorcycle suspension experts riding their bikes to Chopper Con in Brooklyn. Chopper Con is the premiere convention for chopper reenactment enthusiasts and everyone competes to show up in their best dirtbag costumes. Along the way they enjoy things like constantly running out of gas and expressing their paint by numbers individuality. This thrilling tale of recycling your grandparents counter culture is narrated by the T1000, who seems to have gotten stuck in Sam Elliot impersonator mode. This may be the most pompous narration we’ve ever heard.

Seriously folks, these guys are in no way losers or counter culture. This sort of thing is as trendy as it gets these days. While their motorcycles may lack front brakes, they will not lack for admiration, attention, or crowdfunded money. If it’s real modern day outlaws you’re after take a look at the Baltimore wheelie kids or the Midwestern stunna bros, a bunch of wild ass kids upsetting the constabulary. Nothing in this film would get these dudes listed in a pdf for subjects of interest by any police dept.

 

 

Honeypot

It this real? This video almost seems too good to be true, it this some sort of hipster honeypot? Captain Gardening Gloves here seems to think that we’ve been lied to “we’ve been misled to believe that newer is always better”. This philosophy of new not being better led them to cast off the oppressive yoke of web site hosting renewal because their site is no longer functional, however their instagram is still up and worth a look for some good chuckles.

They’re from Colorado, so I guess they must be 2nd tier hipsters and behind the curve. Don’t they know this is all over and done with? This is an amateur at best, he’s missing so many key ingredients. Where is the story from his childhood, a fanciful tale of seeing a motorcycle that sparked a love deep within his soul. No concocted soliloquy about the meaning of manual labor and the creative process.  He doesn’t even have a stable of shit box UJMs in his garage, a garage that’s lit like a bar in a french new wave movie, lit like a sex dungeon for the obese, lit like a geriatric brothel.

Anyway we haven’t posted in a while so it’s probably for the best that we return with a soft target for our dumb jokes.

Feel Good Friday

I know it’s not Friday.

There might be some people out there who don’t know this, but Flat Track isn’t just a type of custom motorcycle. I know you love your “street trackers” and the bearded heroes that ride them but real Flat Track is still alive.

Some might be interested in knowing that it’s a real life sport. With lots of amateur and pros who compete in it, crazy huh? There are race tracks all over the country and people go there to watch or partake in competition. Save that $40 you were going to spend on a that faux vintage flat track t-shirt and spend that money at a real race instead.

There won’t be any cold pressed coffee or gourmet food available  and the garish colors and crude logos of the sponsors might clash with the design aesthetic of tight jean set but give it a try, you might enjoy yourself.

Booty snap

This was submitted to us yesterday and while the video is ripe with shit to make fun of, I mean really some of the names and accents in this video are just hilarious, our real problem here is with GoPro.

What the fuck, GoPro? You couldn’t find any other female riders to sponsor? Funny how all the male motorcyclists you guys sponsor are usually professional riders, but instead of sponsoring one of the few pro female riders, who I’m sure could use the sponsorship, you guys decided to fund this pack of Etsy refugees. I guess Melissa Paris or Elena Meyers wouldn’t agree to setting up GoPros for tit shots while riding around in tank tops. Even if you wanted street riders, there are plenty of women doing things of value and interest and not walking around in sequin panties.

Also if any of the women from this video are by any chance reading this stupid site: Please buy some gear.  Speaking from personal experience, when you go tits up (get it?) it’s going to very very painful if you do it in jorts and a tanktop. Just some brotherly advice.

insta

What is this for exactly?

asstitmontage

pitcam

 

 

Genius

We want to make one thing very clear, we’re not mad at this man, he’s obviously a talented metalworker and a genius at marketing, a visionary! He’s going to make a lot of money, think about it. What’s the first step for any trustafarian bike builder? Ditching perfectly good fenders because they don’t flow with the lines of the bike or whatever. We’ve seen dozens of videos where in beardos blather on about stripping away unnecessary bits from a motorcycle, and  in their PBR addled brains fenders serve no purpose.

Now this brilliant man has figured out how to resupply them with the same fenders. Except this time they’re handmade and extra authentic because they’re made in a dimly lit barn. He even nailed the name, “Cooper Smithing Co”, in the minds of beardos that name brings up images of gritty men in leather aprons making barrels to store the latest microbrew and that makes their delicate weens all misty.

God speed, good sir.