Cringe Pic Dump

Running low on videos to make fun of, so here, have a bunch of cringe inducing pics instead.

triumph-t100-scrambler-11This appears to be a competently built motorcycle (other than the dumb tires and kickstand) but why the fuck is it parked in a clothing store? No one wants to buy your $40 t-shirts guy!

tumblr_naxesx0Ym11rvebxto1_1280Speaking of stupid t-shirts, nice try, but no one believes you.

tumblr_naq0buUM2Q1rvebxto1_1280Ahahahahaha wtf is this shit, if my tire looked like a mill stone I’d probably be walking too, seriously what is that tire supposed to be for? Looks like a drag tire for a horse cart.

tumblr_nak1z7vhqB1rvebxto1_1280Please stop writing your name on other peoples work, I get it, you started your “shop’s” instagram before you did any actual work and now you have to fill it with pictures. But stop, you didn’t “build” this motorcycle. You slapped on a stupid seat and threw away the battery, this is still a Yamaha. This would be the equivalent of every kid who slapped a spoiler on his civic changing the Honda badge to his own name. You ego-maniacal assholes.

 

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Hells Assholes

 

I’ve never understood the whole chopper/bobber thing because they’re motorcycles that are probably zero fun to ride if you’re interested in anything other than cruising on highways and pulling dumb faces to scare minivan drivers. The obsession with pretending you’re some ’60s biker is really weird. I know it’s just costumes and everyone has to go back to their social media jobs on Monday, but still. This isn’t the ’60s, the girl at Starbucks has tattoos. Give it a rest.

The Hells Angels and other biker gangs were assholes (link). They sold drugs, beat women and stabbed kids. Stop treating them like they were anything other than typical scumbags, you idiots.

Video of HST and retarded Hells Angels

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Backpack bullshitters

These guys come out of the gate strong!

 “When it comes to motorcycles, there are two ways: Either you drive it around, or you contemplate around it”

After that objectively wrong and ridiculous statement, we’ll be doing the latter about this drivel.  These Swedish beet farmers didn’t disappoint, their video checks off many boxes on the Hipster Bingo card with fenderless bikes and faux-primitive coffee prep all over the place.

“I have no ambitions than to create my own and others’ well-being.”

And by well-being we mean $400  man purses.

This video gave us an idea, we want to start a company to sell non operational replicas of motorcycles to hipsters.  Imagine, every beardocrat can have his dream CX500 parked in the living room.  He can prepare some extremely bitter coffee, put on his favorite record and enjoy the crackly noises, randomly take parts off the bike, stare at them while contemplating existence, and then put them back on.  Fiddle with as many screws and nuts as his heart desires and blog about the experience all in the comfort of his loft space. We’re gonna be rich!

 

For more laughs watch their how to videos on closing a bag https://vimeo.com/60901086 and boiling water https://vimeo.com/69608553

 

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Cringe Pic

SeFbKbU

We laughed pretty hard at this, I mean I buy a lot of my tools at Harbor Freight but I’m a cheap asshole goofing around in my garage. This is supposedly a custom bike builder and “lifestyle brand” based in Brooklyn. If you’re going to pretend to be a custom bike builder don’t buy every single tool from Harbor Freight. Nothing goes better with 30 year old bikes than 12 point sockets, if your mission is to strip every single bolt on the bike.

EUpjQFS

What is this dude taking a break from doing? My guess, arranging everything on this workbench to make it perfect for his instagram. Imagine him placing the can of Bud, standing back, “yeah that’s perfect now it looks like a mechanic from 1975 owns this”

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Beardo Hegemony

Watching this video was hard, it all felt so familiar. I had to scan back through the blog to make sure we hadn’t already posted about it. This happens a lot, most of what we see here we’ve seen in other videos many many times. A bunch of bikes parked in frame while some very particular looking  people do things in front of or around them. Everything was so dull and repetitive, I wasn’t having any luck coming up with mean enough jokes. Just as I was about to close the window I noticed that this event took place in Australia!

Wow who could have guessed it? It’s all the same dopey shit we’ve seen in videos from around the world. This got me thinking, this video could have been anywhere in the world and the crowd would look pretty much the same. Portland, San Francisco, London, Paris or really any city in the world with a white enough population. This is quite an achievement!

Congratulations you jack offs, your image bullshit now rivals the globe spanning breadth of Harley morons. Your neck tattoos, topiary bush facial hair, anachronistic hats, hitler youth haircuts and work boots are on par with best of what the weekend pirates in the Harley world could come up with. Hipster Hegemony has been achieved.

insta

 

insta

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Wheels and Wankers

Someone pointed us to the website for an event called Wheels and Waves and boy, I haven’t stopped laughing since. What is this bullshit? Google translate is a little funny, from what I can tell it’s a bunch of euro hipsters meeting up for a weekend to go for a ride in some French town. Instead of meeting up  and just riding your motorcycle it has to be an “event”. You see they wouldn’t be caught dead doing something as pedestrian as going for a ride with some friends.

Don’t be a fucking idiot! How can anyone be expected to go out and enjoy a motorcycle ride without, brand sponsors, photographers,  film crews and art shows, you uncultured swine! How can you sit on your motorcycle if it’s not directly behind a camera van? For some good laughs, go here and look at the photos and videos section of this site. http://www.wheels-and-waves.com/photos   ww14-benoit-guerry-002-682x1024Ah yes, essential in every motorcyclist’s tool kit. $7000 Camera, never leave home without it. Never know when you’ll need to pull over to the side of the road and take pictures of yourself holding tools.

ww14-benoit-guerry-043-682x1024See what I mean! When your hair looks this good after wearing a helmet, a high quality camera is needed to document it.

ww14-dimitri-coste-001-1024x682“Hurry guys, the camera van is leaving, everyone comb your beards and put on your badass face”

ww14-benoit-guerry-017-1024x682 (1)This guy is very upset he forgot his headlight tape at home.

ww14-benoit-guerry-018-1024x682So cute, these guys decided to coordinate their costumes. I want to believe that they all just bought some vintage flights suits from ebay but I have feeling they’re wearing this nonsense because some company is selling these as motorcycle riding gear for some ludicrous price.

ww14-benoit-guerry-012-682x1024Hmmm, a guy on a very nice bevel drive Ducati, wearing a modern helmet and actual riding gear. Maybe the poor guy got lost and ended up in the middle of this group of posers?

ww14-benoit-guerry-011-682x1024Oh man this bike again! How have these guys just not been laughed out of every single motorcycle related thing ?

ww14-dimitri-coste-035-1024x682Well at least this helmet manufacturer is honest about who they make their helmets for, rich idiots in costumes.

ww14-benoit-guerry-019-682x1024He always travels with his personal photographer.

ww14-benoit-guerry-042-1024x682“hehehe yeah and then BMW gave me a free motorcycle can you believe it”

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