Ducati the Freshmaker!

The last few years the big factories have been aiming bikes directly at lazy hipsters. The ones who can’t be bothered to find some shit heap, make it worse and produce a pretentious video about how much it means to make terrible things. They want 2nd tier hipsters and can you blame them? These well heeled trustafarians are particularly easy to part from their (parents) money.  Even the Germans were trading in their lab coats for high end denim this year with the release of the R Nine T, so it’s no surprise that Ducati wants in on the act.

As it was in WWII, so it is now, the Italians simply aren’t in the same league as the Germans. BMW were smart enough to pay established bullshit artists like El Solitario to produce their videos for extra credibility. The Italians took a swing at producing their own video. The result? Well the result is a mix between a Mentos ad and a hipster bike video. They have all the elements, grating music, fake drag races, pushing over a guy taking a piss but they miss the mark somehow. There is no self importance, no talk of connection between man and machine not even a single meaningful look into the camera.

Honorable mention goes to this Husqvarna video, in which they use things like urban camping and models to try and trick hipsters into buying a modern motorcycle. They’re trying to convince these civil war beard enthusiasts that maybe a shit box Honda from the 70s isn’t the be all and end all of motorcycling. We wish them luck.

Humper S Toddler

Sorry guys we’re all kinda busy and bored with the site at the moment. To all the people sending feedback and recommendations we’ll get around to reading them soon. In the mean time have a good laugh and read this, been cracking us up ever since we saw it.  http://www.chinonthetank.com/2013/08/rulers-run/

 

“Every year towards late August a handful of rare souls converge together to wreak havoc on the streets of Brooklyn, like some horrid natural phenomenon emerging from the sea to consume an entire city. “

By which he means some hipsters from Philly went to NYC to do some shopping and attend a motorcycle show.

“Eventually we set out for food down Bedford Ave., looking as if some brutes were set loose from their cage.” 

Yeah check these dudes out, they don’t look anything like every single person in Broolyn, they’re brutes, savages, freaks so different from every other 20 something in BK. IMG_7704_lr

 

“Somewhere around 1:30, I scouted out Manhattan in search of some threads and found no traffic to be had from Brooklyn to the tunnel (our exit strategy for later that day). I made my way back to the show and met the rest of our group.”

Uggh don’t you just hate it when you come back from a shopping trip empty handed.

 

Feel Good Friday Turbo Edition

Been a long week, so lets take a break from all the hipster nonsense and watch a video that makes us smile.

This one is personal for me, when I was a teenager in the mists of time (the 90′s) one of my brother’s idiot friends had a GSX-R 1100 with a turbo strapped on to it. A bike so ridiculous that I’m pretty sure I have PTSD from it, so while cruising around you tube I came across the video and couldn’t help but smile and shudder at the same time. Enjoy the madness.

Vintage cool

(Original Post from Nov 3, 2013)

A lot of people have confused us making fun of pretentious assholes for us hating vintage bikes. This is not the case, one of us rides a 1955 BMW regularly and we hold no hate in our heart for old bikes. So for once we’re gonna post a video we actually like. Weird choice of music though.

Re-posting this because I’m sick of answering stupid people in the comments. Stop creating straw men in your heads to argue against, I don’t love all GSX-Rs (or all modern sports bikes), even though my brother loves them I think they’re pretty dumb. I don’t hate vintage bikes, I’ve owned a few of them, they’re neat sometimes. I make fun of stupid videos made by dickheads, if you ride an old bike and don’t fit into the description then you shouldn’t be getting your panties all in a bunch. So please stop.

Revzilla

The dudes at Revzilla are stealing our shtick! Hey guys if you haven’t noticed my name ends is Esq. that means I’m a lawyer, and I can practice law in several small central American countries. Send us free stuff (list of gear will be emailed) or we’ll sue!

P.S. I do a pretty good Anthony impression, “Hey thisisanthontywithrevzillatv where you can WATCH, DECIDE & RIDE”

http://www.revzilla.com/common-tread/local-20-something-buys-dream-motorcycle?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=boosted-post&utm_content=stream&utm_term=local-20-something-buys-dream-motorcycle

Cringe Pic Dump

Running low on videos to make fun of, so here, have a bunch of cringe inducing pics instead.

triumph-t100-scrambler-11This appears to be a competently built motorcycle (other than the dumb tires and kickstand) but why the fuck is it parked in a clothing store? No one wants to buy your $40 t-shirts guy!

tumblr_naxesx0Ym11rvebxto1_1280Speaking of stupid t-shirts, nice try, but no one believes you.

tumblr_naq0buUM2Q1rvebxto1_1280Ahahahahaha wtf is this shit, if my tire looked like a mill stone I’d probably be walking too, seriously what is that tire supposed to be for? Looks like a drag tire for a horse cart.

tumblr_nak1z7vhqB1rvebxto1_1280Please stop writing your name on other peoples work, I get it, you started your “shop’s” instagram before you did any actual work and now you have to fill it with pictures. But stop, you didn’t “build” this motorcycle. You slapped on a stupid seat and threw away the battery, this is still a Yamaha. This would be the equivalent of every kid who slapped a spoiler on his civic changing the Honda badge to his own name. You ego-maniacal assholes.

 

Hells Assholes

 

I’ve never understood the whole chopper/bobber thing because they’re motorcycles that are probably zero fun to ride if you’re interested in anything other than cruising on highways and pulling dumb faces to scare minivan drivers. The obsession with pretending you’re some ’60s biker is really weird. I know it’s just costumes and everyone has to go back to their social media jobs on Monday, but still. This isn’t the ’60s, the girl at Starbucks has tattoos. Give it a rest.

The Hells Angels and other biker gangs were assholes (link). They sold drugs, beat women and stabbed kids. Stop treating them like they were anything other than typical scumbags, you idiots.

Video of HST and retarded Hells Angels

Backpack bullshitters

These guys come out of the gate strong!

 “When it comes to motorcycles, there are two ways: Either you drive it around, or you contemplate around it”

After that objectively wrong and ridiculous statement, we’ll be doing the latter about this drivel.  These Swedish beet farmers didn’t disappoint, their video checks off many boxes on the Hipster Bingo card with fenderless bikes and faux-primitive coffee prep all over the place.

“I have no ambitions than to create my own and others’ well-being.”

And by well-being we mean $400  man purses.

This video gave us an idea, we want to start a company to sell non operational replicas of motorcycles to hipsters.  Imagine, every beardocrat can have his dream CX500 parked in the living room.  He can prepare some extremely bitter coffee, put on his favorite record and enjoy the crackly noises, randomly take parts off the bike, stare at them while contemplating existence, and then put them back on.  Fiddle with as many screws and nuts as his heart desires and blog about the experience all in the comfort of his loft space. We’re gonna be rich!

 

For more laughs watch their how to videos on closing a bag https://vimeo.com/60901086 and boiling water https://vimeo.com/69608553